apples to cross

I was asked why the blogger testifies...hmm...right now my answer is: the blogger is nothing without the one she testifies about! I testify that HE indeed makes me feel weak...honestly, I'm weak! For many reasons...not like I thought HE couldn't do it even with doubts of when...but I'm weak for reasons words can't hold. The best I've been is a channel, a vessel...I've never been the one doing anything...HE's been the one. I may look like I'm the one, I may even have moments of thinking I'm the one...this is more than ' shoulders down '...truly its HIM. I hold no claims to miracles...I can never work them...HE does what HE does because that is what HE does! HE is GOD! I testify that this past week...HE...HE...I'm lost for words...really...I'm speechless...this past week HE fulfilled HIS promises...not like HE was late...HE was, is and would forever be on time. I truly don't know how to put it in words...but this past week was ...

I will bless the LORD, oh my soul...and all that is within me, bless HIS Holy Name! I testify...that even if I can't see HIM...HE remains GOD! thank YOU JESUS!

‘but then when the fish in the pond begins to jump up and down asking the fisherman to notice it, you know the fisherman must comply! Tolu, you must be very careful, even if you don’t get back together with Felix, don’t lead anyone into temptation! Er, Romans 6:13…just check it up. It explains about not presenting your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin…just check it up.’ he said. ‘besides the fisherman must be wise so as not to let the beautiful fish distract him. Felix, take note. Yes she looks hot and you want to pounce on her…she isn’t yours until you are before the Lord and in the presence of the people! The person you are in a relationship with is a restricted pond. You must be certified to fish there. In fact relationship is not meant for play! I’ve told you these things.’. ‘now the fish has shown himself to the fisherman…its running away trying to hide itself. Becareful what you put on…both of you!’ he concluded. That struck a chord…I may have been enabling co...

“ You know I said you cannot go to a store and pick an apple, bite the apple to taste it and then go to the cashier to ask for permission to take it…after paying for it I mean. Na Naija we dey! Who wan chop half apple. And even if you were abroad where some people say you can taste and pay at the counter, there are somethings you sure can do like that, ladies are more precious; fragile content and container. Though Tolu I know you form tough. In the same vain, you can’t sleep with a woman…you know he Bible says in Hebrews 13: 4 that: marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” he said. “ You too reason it…marriage is a union. Don’t worry when you come for marriage counseling we’ld explain further. But let me make it clear to you that its not the ceremony I’m talking about, it’s the main course! It’s the real deal my friends.” “Funmi and I courted for 7 years. And we were in the same university. Righ...

I testify...that HE never fails! HE never leaves! HE never sleep! HE is JESUS! thank YOU JESUS!

Fourth week after Felix and I had ended it…pastor wanted to see us…together! Oh, he wasn’t asking us to get back into the relationship, he wanted all differences to be sorted out. I really did not feel like going but I had to honour the man of God, honour the Lord! Felix had been going for counseling :o. He had told him everything that happened in Ogun state and what happened between us. We had real counseling together. Now I see the benefits of having a good shepherd. We opened up to him. Yes, at first I was scared that I would be used for the next sermon but I did open up. We talked about the quarrels to the places I missed it and he did too. Turns out I wasn't firm and encouraging enough. There were times I was rude when I thought I was being blunt. Apologies came into play. Brethren, this time, whatever happened in Ogun did not stay in Ogun oh! Felix said he indeed let his conscience die, he joined the guys to drink but not womanise. He was innocent as regards the preg...

Service was great! I did not sit in my usual place sha, but I did not see Felix after church. Dunno what happened but church folks just said hi and asked how I was, where I was and if I was going back, like there was never a Felix…hmm!! Maybe pastor said it in church or something…dunno sha! I saw Pastor Matt today. Twas emotional. He’s a good shepherd under our Shepherd! He noticed all the happenings, from the time Felix had come back from Ogun till date. Shocking! Encouragements, advice, prayers…he did all today. I feel quite better. Like the trip to the Uk was uncalled for sef. But then I got new shoes…so no p! As I was leaving his office Felix came in…I hadn’t seen him in three weeks. Felt good seeing my ex…mehn! I hate that word! I said hi and moved on…he did same too. He looked good I must say…Kai! Lemme get over the human! But then, he looked…sober. Maybe not but because I wanted him to look like that, I’ld say he looked sober! ……………….

Special thanks to those reading (thanks for the comments Dee One) ............................... Its been three weeks since Felix and I broke up. I intentionally travelled that weekend to the Uk. Cut off all contacts with the Nigerian community…in Nigeria! Except my family of course. They jointly called twice, just to ask about my wellbeing, not about Felix and I. Thank God I was given a leave in such short notice. Just couldn’t stand the ‘events’ that would unfold in church. Pastor had sent me a Facebook inbox. ‘hi Tolu…trust you’re doing great. I learnt you travelled out of the country…pls see me when you get back. Regards from my wife and kids. You’re blessed in Jesus name, Amen! Shalom”. I knew where this was going. I’ll see him on Sunday. Oh…the news hit fb once I changed my status. Kai! God is faithful ni! Just plenty ‘it is well’ on my page. Felix had plenty ‘guy wetin happen to hotcake?’. I’m also grateful to God that Felix did not write hate messages…he silently ignored every...

Mercy! thats all I see LORD, I'm grateful...I testify that YOU are GOD and YOU are good! yes YOU are! thank YOU JESUS!

Hmm…so I’ld no longer be listed as in a relationship on fb…it is well oh! The thought of the news spreading all over twitter has been in my head. The ‘eyah’s ‘ I would receive has been making me shake…but mehn! I’ld rather stand for God. I had to tell my dad about it…dunno if his parents were informed as his mum still called me some days ago. Thank God dad wasn’t furious as I expected. He just said ‘the Lord will work it out for your good!’ Amen oh! Tope and Toye were (and are) a great support and so was mum. (and is...love this woman!) Everyone seems to be saying it is well …dunno if that’s a new viral word! It sure would be well sha. ...................................................... [ eyah's: aww's or sorry]

That was the end of the conversation for that day. I wasn’t happy about it. Felix never behaved like that before. We talked about it on the phone and he said he was sorry. Little quarrels became bigger. Shorter quarrels became longer. Not just about sex, but everything. From my non-overtly sexy dressing to my flat shoes. Flimsy things! Then it stopped…I thought it was over, but the after-Alpha-beach scenario repeated itself about 2 times, until he finally came up with an assurance idea! So you see, when what happened a few minutes ago happened…I knew that broke the carmels back! I had been managing him…bearing all the pressure from a ‘brother’…but not anymore. I’ld rather flee than run! ……………………….. [not finished yet though]

I released myself, he was shocked. “baby why are you doing this to me now?” “common kiss…no, touch…no…fi mi le jo!” He angrily walked into towards his car. “ok dear, I’m sorry.” I said as I ran after him. Never had I done that to any man. “ look, ok, yes, I’m kinda upset with you…I mean these things people receive them freely from…you know” “wow! Felix! Well, we are not them. This is the first time you’re saying stuff like this. I’m sorry you are upset but you know my stand on this issue…I’m keeping myself for you…” “oh don’t give me that crap!” he shouted. “ so if I love you I should starve myself ba?” “Felix!” I said in shocked. “Abeg abeg abeg” “fine! But I’ld rather not open biscuit I’m not ready to eat! Its not only you that can get angry, I’m at the receiving end remember” I said as I walked away. “shoot! Nice one. Because you know I can’t bear to see you angry with me ba? I’m sorry” he said as he entered his car. “I’m sorry too…lets just flee, not run, flee from evil!”. ...........

"Now to HIM who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to HIS power that is at work within us, to HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." [Ephesians 3: 20-21] Today I testify of His mercies; new every morning, His love; steadfast, His faithfulness; great...I testify that His thoughts are of good and not of evil, to give us a future and a hope. I testify that He who started every good work is faithful to complete it. He is Awesome! Yahweh! Elohim! Adonai! He is Jesus! thank YOU JESUS!